I love Lamp.....

CLICK HERE IF YOU LOVE LAMP!!!!!

I am on My space.

Yes folks I have entered into the modern age and created a Myspace Profile. I feel like such a tool, but whatever. Its a good way to find people.

Enjoy

http://www.myspace.com/chickenkillermikejones

BITCHES AND MONEY!!!!

http://gorillamask.net/elmorap.shtml


Check out this Link to ELMO Doing some gangsta rap with an NWA song....
BITCHES AND MONEY!!!!

Good Food, Good Drink, and Good Times

Isn't it amazing how some of us work all our lives and strive to be better, and then use what money we have saved for a few precious moments of fun with our friends. Some people work all week and save just enough money to pay their bills and drink themselves silly at a bar on the weekend.

My debate here is weather or not this a good thing or a bad thing. I really think it boils down to what you want out of life. If you realize you are blowing all your money on getting drunk and having a good time each weekend and are ok with it.....Then great. Keep spending that money, keep getting drunk, and toast to all of those poor saps that are home alone saving their money.

Or if you realize that getting drunk and spending lots of money is a quick way to get no where in life and never have anything to show for....And you are saving money to get somewhere....Then I also say Great.

Or there is my way of doing things.....Buy a 1/5 of the cheapest bottle of vodka you can find. Drink it all before going to the bar, and drink water while you are there. LOL

Some Profound Thoughts

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

When it rains, who don't sheep shrink?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?

When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Do radioactive cats have 18 half lives?

If you shoot a mime, do you need a silencer?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

How can they tell that twin lobsters are really twins?

What is the speed of dark?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

What's another word for synonym?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a chapter 11?

How can there be self-help groups?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Why are there interstate highways is Hawaii?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Where are preparations A through G?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there staring at the carpet?

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? Or maybe I'll just have a bunch of purples.

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Saint Patrick's Day (March 17 ) is a Catholic feast day which celebrates Saint Patrick (386-493), the patron saint of Ireland . It is a national holiday in the Republic of Ireland (but not Northern Ireland ); the overseas territory of Montserrat ; and the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labrador .
Saint Patrick's Day is celebrated worldwide by Irish people and increasingly by many of non-Irish descent. Like Christmas and Halloween (which originated as the eve of All Saint's Day ) it is increasingly celebrated in a non-religious manner, the celebration themed around all things green and Irish; both Christians and non-Christians celebrate the secular version of the holiday by wearing green, eating Irish food and imbibing Irish drink, and/or attending parades. The largest St. Patrick's Day parade in the world is held in New York City . Parades also take place in Dublin and in most other Irish towns and villages. Other large parades include those in Savannah, Georgia , Cleveland , Manchester , Montreal , Boston and Chicago . Large parades also take place in other places throughout Europe and the Americas , as well as Australia and Asia .
As well as being a celebration of Irish culture, Saint Patrick's Day is a Christian festival celebrated in the Catholic Church, the Church of Ireland (among other churches in the Anglican Communion ) and some other denominations. The day always falls in the season of Lent and sometimes during Holy Week . In church calendars (though rarely in secular ones) Saint Patrick's Day is moved to the following Monday when it falls on a Sunday. If it falls in Holy Week, it is moved to the second Monday after Easter . It is traditional for those observing a lenten fast to break it for the duration of Saint Patrick's Day.[1]
In many parts of the U.S., Britain, and Australia, expatriate Irish, those of Irish descent, and ever-growing crowds of people with no Irish connections but who may proclaim themselves "Irish for a day" also celebrate St. Patrick's Day, usually by drinking alcoholic beverages (lager dyed green, Irish beer such as Murphys , Smithwicks , Harp or Guinness , or Irish whiskey , Irish Coffee or Baileys Irish Cream ) and by wearing at least one article of green-colored clothing.

A Delta Support Call Story....

Me: Thank you for calling Delta Tech Support, my name is Mike, How can I help You?
Delta Manager: Help me put my computer back together. I have no clue how to do it.
Me: Put it...Back together? How so?
Delta Manager: Well...This is our manager computer, and we had a huge party last night, at a bar down the street from the location, after work. I being the Designated Driver accidentally left my keys back at the location and had to go get them. While I was getting my keys out of the back room, someone thought it would be funny to take the managers computer apart and hide pieces of it all over the Car wash.
Me: I see...Do you have all of the pieces gathered.
Delta Manager: I think so...The people that hid them eventually went and got them all and laid them out in the wash booth.
Me: Ok, and they're still outside?
Delta Manager: Yes.
Me: Ok, I need you to go collect them, bring them inside and lay them out on a flat surface. The carouse office desk would be best.
Delta Manager: Ok, give me a minute. I'll have to go and get some towels first.
Me: Towels? Why towels?
Delta Manager: Because all of the pieces are wet. If I'm going to bring them inside I have to dry them off first. Should I use a blow dryer instead?
Me: Can I put you on hold for just one second?
Delta Manager: Sure, no problem.
(I laugh my @ss off with my IT buddies next to me...Then my manager comes in, I tell him the call outline so far...After a few laughs with him he tells me to take a record of the rest of the call)
Me: Ok, sorry about that...A blow dryer would be a lot better than a towel, much less of a chance of static electricity. (as if it matters at this point)
Delta Manager: Ok, I'll need to go get one and go outside.
Me: If you don't mind me asking...Why exactly are the computer parts wet?
Delta Manager: Well...It's a long story.
Me: I have time...Please explain.
Delta Manager: Well...After I yelled at the guys to go get the parts and put the computer back together. They went and got them, laid them out in the wash booth and covered all of the parts with Soap from the wash...Then left.
Me: ....
Delta Manager: So I got the water hose and tried to rinse them off before the Soap got all dried and set in. Was the right thing to do right?
Me: ...Well...Not exactly. Given the circumstances though, I don't think you did not do any more damage than was already done. You do know that even if you get this PC back together, there is very little chance of it working, at least reliably, don't you?
Delta Manager: No, why is that?
Me: (going into a big lecture on the fact that 1.)Parts laying in a yard, 2.)Parts being covered in Soap and 3.) Parts doused in water = no worky)
Delta Manager: Oh no! So what do I do?!
Me: Well...At this point I'm going to have to talk with my manager and see where we go from here. Very good possibility that the computer will need replaced and cost will be taken out of someone's paycheck
Delta Manager: Oh crap...Ok, thanks.
(Go sit in my managers cube for a few minutes just to make it look good...Tell him about the call, my manger says to take it out of his pay.)
Me: Ok, I'm back, and unfortunately, the computer will need to be paid for out of your paycheck.
Delta Manager: Oh crap...What am I going to do?!?!
Me: Well, I'm not sure. Just try and explain this to someone your District manager, give names of the people who did it, and tell them that you at least put effort into fixing the problem. I'll put your name in our call logs that you weren't at fault.
Delta Manager: Ok, thanks man...Sorry to waste your time.
Me: No problem...I would suggest that you go ahead and dry those parts off, go get a box and put them all in one place for the District manager.
Delta Manager: Ok, will do. Man I'm not drinking again...Especially with those @*#holes.

Me

The Sun....

It is quite amazing to realize just how much a Human being needs sun, and just how much it affects our moods. I live in Buffalo NY, where the sun shines 5 times in a 6 month period. Being March, Buffalo is still in this period. I am currently on a Business Trip to Texas and it is 85 and sunny here everyday during March. My whole mood is different. I feel so much happier. The Clouds and the cold are so opressive. It makes me not wan't to go back. The fall is fine, the spring is fine, and the summer is great. But the cold, dark, and dreary winter does no ones mood any good at all. I am walking every night, playing basketball, and sitting outside reading as opposed to going to the gym inside and not seeing the sun at all. In fact with the Day being so short and my work day so long it is rare that I see the Sun at all through anything other than a window.

So I toast to the SUN......

However without the Winters perhaps I would not appreciate the Sun as much.

What do you all think?

Today's Hot Girl...What do you think?

Something Really Strange.....

http://www.shockabsorber.co.uk/bounceometer/shock.html